So, after a few months of him texting a woman he works with and me accusing him of having an affair, it came to a head on (Not) Good Friday when my husband told me he is filing for divorce. Words really can't describe the emotions I have right now, barely two days later. I'm hurt, scared, worried, stressed. I feel unwanted, unneeded, unattractive. I feel like a failure to my son, my family, my self.
I know I wasn't a very good wife. I was paranoid and afraid most of the time, but I loved him with every ounce of my being. I didn't always show it, but I did.
He made my heart race every time he kissed me. He rubbed my feet. He treated my son like Trey was his own. He dropped kisses on top of my head, which made me feel safe and loved. He worked long hours to make sure my child and I had everything we needed and often bought us gifts for no reason.
You ask what he did wrong? He was emotionally detached. He didn't like most of my friends. He lied about wanting to have a child with me. He texted a woman he worked with who he claimed was "just a friend", but never talked about her. I didn't know she existed until I scrolled through the contacts in his phone looking for a mutual friend's number I had forgotten. He texted her...a lot. More than he ever texted me, and I was his wife. He and I worked different shifts, and he and his work friend had overlapping shifts. I reentered the work force after almost two years, just so we would have some extra money and plan our delayed honeymoon. He started working 7 days a week even though it wasn't required because he said we needed the money. With the exception of three quick pecks on the lips, he didn't kiss me. He rarely hugged me. He worked the night shift and I work the day shift, so sex was unheard of. Even on the weekends I was home and the kiddo was gone, Ryan didn't express the desire to touch me.
So how do I live? My world has been torn apart on a weekend I thought would help bring us closer together. My son is distraught over the fact he has to change schools at the end of this school year, leaving his friends behind. I'm distraught over the fact I'm 35 years old, soon to be a single mom, and moving in with my parents...again. Trey and I probably won't have insurance from the time the divorce is final until November, when my employer has open enrollment. I can't afford an attorney for the divorce (which Ryan is filing for sometime this week), and I'm dumber than hell when it comes to legal speak. Trey and I have to live in Ryan's house for another 6 weeks, which is when Trey is done with school for the year.
How do I live? The only way I can right now, which is one day at a time. I have family and friends who are very supportive, but they can't comfort me the way I want to be comforted right now. They can't hug and kiss the nightmares away, or lay in bed with me and plan our future. I haven't been happy for a while, but I didn't think it would come to this. I'm an emotional and physical wreck now that it has.
2 comments:
Rich, Jenny's husband here. I know it is expensive, but not having your own attorney will cost you more. If, when you get an attorney, make sure you sue as part of your divorce the he has to pay your legal fees. It is his fault, so stick him with the bill. Ask for money to maintain lifestyle. Indiana is a non-alimony state, but if he is in such a hurry to get out, make him pay. You did not ask for your life to be turned upside down, it is his fault. Sue to have your insurance continued under COBRA on his policy that he has to pay. COBRA is dammed expensive, but it can be continued up to 3 years. Make him pay, again, it is his fault.
Will you get all these things? Maybe. If you don't ask for them, then no. All this files under the pirates creed, take what you can, give nothing back.
Also, I do not know how your house is titled, but see if you can sue to make him pay for the mortgage as part of maintaining lifestyle. All is fair.
Thanks, Rich. I've never been through a divorce before, and I don't know the details of anyone who has been divorced, so I'm totally overwhelmed right now.
I plan on asking for spousal support so I can get back on my feet financially. Jenny had some ideas about insurance, which I'm going to check into this morning. He has a house in his name and I have a house in my name. His house is almost paid off and my house payment is so high my renter is struggling badly. He brings home over twice as much as I do every week, and he's worked at the same place for almost 14 years. I've been employed at my current job for 5 months.
Thanks to both you and Jenny. I hate that you've both been through this but I'm glad the two of you can give advice. One of my close friends was a family law attorney in Indiana until last year, and she's giving me advice as well. She's not on the bar anymore, so she can't be my attorney.
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