Hopeless, Incurable Romantic

 I am one.  I love when a man opens a door for me, pulls my chair out, puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me through a door, etc.  I'm obsessed with the idea of a piano in a candlelit room, and a man playing and singing the song "Hallelujah" for me.  Preferably the Jeff Buckley or Rufus Wainwright version.  I'm totally jealous of some fictional characters and their romantic relationships, because my relationship with my husband is totally lacking in the romance department.
   I don't ask for much in life.  I don't ask for diamonds or expensive clothing.  My husband and I have been married for almost two years and we have yet to go on a vacation.  All I ask is to be shown that I'm appreciated, wanted, and loved.  Yes, I've told my husband this...and it started a fight.  I appreciate the fact that my husband didn't push me to get a job when I wasn't ready to go back to work.  I show my husband every single day that I want him, even if it's only with a kiss on the top of the head or a butt smack as he walks by.  I tell him I love him more times a day than is probably healthy.  Do I get the same in return?  Not really.  He might give me three quick pecks on my lips, which means "I love you".  He tells me he loves me multiple times a day.  Do I think he wants me physically?  Not lately, and I have no reason why.  I know I've put on a few (15) pounds, but my husband was always telling me I needed to gain a few pounds anyway.
   I'm an insecure person.  Always have been, and probably always will be.  I need positive reinforcement in relationships, and I'm not getting it.  I'm not high maintenance by any means, but I like being spoiled and cherished once in a while.  I like being told I look nice.  I want to be swept off my feet and whisked away to a place that isn't part of my normal routine.  A weekend trip for just the two of us would be nice.  Then again, a solo vacation would be great, too.
   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years, and I think I'm experiencing relationship burnout.  I'm tired of the same old things.  I want more.  A couple of my very attractive and very single guy friends have invited me to visit them or take a trip with them.  I would be lying if I said there was no temptation.  If I were in a happier situation the temptation wouldn't be as strong, but it would still be there.  Guys, where the Hell were you BEFORE I got married?!?  I'm starting to wonder if I'm one of these women who can't be happy no matter what situation they're in.  When I got married, I thought my husband would be the guy who brought home flowers for no reason.  The guy who told me everything I ever wanted to hear.  The guy who put me on a pedestal.  Well, he isn't...and I don't like it one bit.
   I know every couple goes through rough patches, but we go through smooth patches.  I'm neurotic and needy, he's a man of few words and emotionally frigid.  Before we got married, we discussed having kids.  We talked about names we liked and hated, and he told me where he would want to put a baby bed.  Now he's totally against having a child, and it breaks my heart.  I've always wanted to have at least one more.  Had I known the truth about how my husband really felt, it would have possibly been a deal breaker.
   Do I love my husband?  Yes, I do.  Very much.  Am I in love with my husband?  Six months ago, the answer would have been a resounding "YES!".  Today, the answer is "Eh".  Sad, right?  Am I going to file for divorce?  Not right now.  I've invested too much to give up so easily.  And it's got to get better, because it can't get much worse.

I Can Never Come Up With A Creative And/Or Funny Title!

My friend Kevin has declared my blog a "Kurt Cobain Free Zone!". That's cool, because I've always been a Pearl Jam kind of girl. Kev, you want to make me a badge or something wicked cool like that to post on here? Thanks in advance.

Life is good. I have a job, and I work 5 8-hour days per week. My husband has a job, and he works a totally effed up schedule. Work Monday & Tuesday, off Wednesday & Thursday, work Friday & Saturday & Sunday. Off Monday & Tuesday, work Wednesday & Thursday, off Friday & Saturday & Sunday. Repeat first week, repeat second week. Oh, and he works 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. He took a new position at work. He's not a supervisor anymore, he's a maintenance guy. Actually, he works at his company's wastewater treatment plant. He says he works on other things, too, but all I hear him talk about is watching water go roundy-roundy. I call him a "turd herder", which he isn't fond of. He's happier without the stress of a supervisory position, so I'm happier. We don't get to see each other for very long throughout the week, but the money is still coming in.

Speaking of work...I have a coworker who makes driveway gravel look intelligent. Here's an example:

Coworker: My birthday is tomorrow, and I was born in 1967. How old will I be?

Me: Um, you're kidding...right?!?

CW: No, I'm not kidding. I'm really bad at math.

Seriously?!? My coworker has 5 kids because she's allergic to latex, and her pregnant daughter is in jail because she was caught with marijuana and Oxycontin. White Trash Expo time, folks! Thank God more of my coworkers aren't like her, because I would have either quit or gone insane by now.

I'm a kinda sad panda, because I should have plane tickets to California for this weekend. I really wanted to go, but the hubby's weird work schedule prevented it. I was told I need to get my ass back out there, and soon. I'm working on it, but it won't be until next year at the earliest. Hubby and I didn't go on a honeymoon after we got married, and we're kind of planning a trip tentatively set for next summer. Seattle, Washington D.C., and New Orleans are on the short list. If I get my way (and I usually do), we will fly to Los Angeles so I can hang out with my friends for a day/night, then we will take the Amtrak Coast Starlight from L.A. to Seattle. I'm seriously salivating over this. Like, totally drooling. While in Washington, I want to go to Mount St. Helens and the Olympic National Forest. And if I'm that damn close to Forks, I might as well go there, too.

I really don't have anything to bitch about, but I have no idea what I'm dressing up as for Halloween. I love Halloween, and I love dressing in costume. I hate choosing a costume. I might say "screw it" and go as The Dude from "The Big Lebowski". Because, you know, The Dude abides. And we both like bowling.