In what I've come to know as life. Today, my fiance and I got some unsettling news about his health. He's been going through all sorts of tests for the last few weeks, but still no real diagnosis.
His doctor has decided to send him to a neurologist and a cardiologist, because the doc still isn't sure what's wrong. The cardiologist, because my fiance is still having chest pains, numbness and tingling in his left arm, and headaches behind his left eye. A stroke has pretty much been ruled out at this point. He has to go to a neurologist because of the same symptoms. Sound weird? Yeah, it did to me too! Until the doc said that his problems are symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis...
I took that one pretty hard, but I'm still wondering why. I love my fiance, but I haven't been IN LOVE with him for a long time. I've physically left him and ended our relationship once already, but I've also done that in my mind a thousand times since I came back. We rarely fight (and it's very loud when we do), and he's pretty good with my son (most of the time). He still subscribes to the "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" theory, and I know we'll probably never get married...
So why do I hang on? I think it's more of a sense of duty. If I left him, and something happened to him after that (stroke, MS, heart attack, etc...), I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would feel personally responsible and guilty. Not to mention my son thinks the world of my fiance. So will I stay with him and help him in his time of need? Yeah. Like I said earlier, I do love him. But sometimes, these song lyrics from Bonnie Raitt run through my head:
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough
