"Football widow" again this year *sigh*, so that means I have time to blog! I feel a little differently about being a high-school football widow this year...
My fiance is stressed. I mean, really stressed. So stressed, in fact, that he's having mini-strokes in his brain because his blood pressure is waaaaaaay too high. It's high enough to require him to be on medication to lower his blood pressure, and go through a stress test on a treadmill - at age 32!
He got fired from his job about a year and a half ago, and he's been stressing ever since. Money isn't growing on trees around here, and that's one thing that he's really touchy about. He wouldn't ask me to help with household bills, even though my son, the fiance, and I live together. He got mad at me when I opened mail such as the phone bill, electric bill, etc. I know he wants to take care of my son and I, but he's going about it the wrong way!
I felt almost useless at first, then I got mad about the situation. To me, he was acting like a Sugar Daddy (not the yummy candy!) - he would pay the bills, and I was here for whatever entertainment he desired. I HATED feeling that way! He didn't talk about getting married anymore, and I just felt like I was a toy or a trophy. I don't look like a trophy, so I didn't like being treated that way!
Things are slowly working themselves out. He's now asking for help with household bills, and I feel more like a valued member of society and less like a damn freeloader. But is all of this too late? The situation has greatly affected his health - he can't mow the lawn, walk the dog, or do too much around the house anymore. Doing dishes and laundry wears him out to the point of exhaustion, and he has to lay down. I really don't mind doing things around the house. I would quit my job and be a stay at home mom/girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever if I could.
I really don't like the fact that I have to stay at home most of the time and not go out with my friends, because I can't trust him alone with my son. My son knows what to do if my fiance has another stroke, but I don't want my son to be scared like that. So, I guess I'll just stay at home and blog. :-P
So why don't I mind being a football widow this year as opposed to last year? This is a chance for my ill fiance to hang out with his best friend and RELAX...one thing he really needs to do. I didn't think I was that bad of a person to stress somebody out to the point of having a stroke, but I guess I am.
1 comment:
unsolicited advice:
Streess, much like misery, happiness and many other emotions, is in reality a choice.
Some people choose to be unhappy. It's a fact of life. They don't want to feel good so they choose to feel bad becaus they either want attention in the form of sympathy or just don't know how to feel good.
You didn't do this to him, he did it to himself. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!!! and I know from first-hand experience!
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