The Online Dating Site Thing - or, Freaks And Weirdos

   I'm no stranger to freaks and weirdos.  When I was a child some of my peers called me weird because of my high IQ and the fact I didn't like "girly" things.  As a young adult, I was called a freak because I enjoyed role playing games like D&D.  As a woman in my mid-30's, I've been called a freaky weirdo because I still love Star Wars and superhero movies and I still have crushes on celebrities.  Hot is hot, no matter how old one is.  Anyway...all of that is tame compared to the ignoramus I had to deal with last night.

   I've been on an online dating site for a while, and have had limited success.  I met who I thought was a great guy on this site, and we dated exclusively for a few months.  I didn't know he had a severe case of PTSD and drank himself to sleep almost every night.  He broke up with me via text message.  I texted back and forth with another man for almost a year before I decided he wasn't the one.  We both claimed to want to meet in person but he was "broke" every time I said I wanted to meet up.  I wouldn't meet up with him unless it was in a public place and he, always being broke, wanted me to go to his place.  Red flag!  I left him a scathing text message and blocked his number.

   A man sent me a message on this site about a month ago, so I looked at his profile.  I don't want to date a man who has four children under the age of 10, and I'm not into the full-sleeve tattoos, so I told him what I tell most other men who message me:  "I'm not interested."  Polite and to the point, because I wasn't raised to be rude unless it's necessary.  Most men who receive this message from me thank me for responding then back off.  Not this jerk. The same man sent me a message last night, and all it said was "So beautiful."  Once again I replied with my standard three word brush-off.  The following is the result of my being polite:

Him: "I don't want to write two or three paragraphs about myself because I don't like talking about myself, but I will if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me." (I'm cleaning up the grammar and spelling because this man uses text speak, which I despise!)

Me:  "Please stop messaging me."  Once again, polite and to the point.

Him:  "Or what?"

   By this time I've had enough, so I report this man to the dating website as being abusive and threatening.  As I'm typing my report (on my phone), my phone is blowing up because this ass is still sending me messages.  Here's another one.

Him:  "You think you're all that, don't you?  You're not.  Trust me."

   I snickered at that one, because I know I'm not "all that".  I'm still not responding either, pal.

Him:  "You think you're all that but you're not.  Snobby girls always get theirs.  Usually in a dark alley next to a bar."

   I'm dying laughing now, because this guy is either drunk or doesn't take rejection well.  Not five minutes after I filed the report he was removed from the dating website.  This morning I wake up to find a message from someone on that site, so I read it.  Lo and behold if it isn't the same asshole from last night, but now he's using a different user name.  Block and report.  No wonder he's single.

   I'm not alone because I want to be.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I hate being without someone special in my life.  However, I have standards.  I don't like a lot of tattoos on a man.  I don't want to date a man with more than two children.  I won't date a man who is shorter than I am.  I won't give a man's online dating profile a second look if he uses a lot of text speak.  I'm guilty of LOL and BRB, but I despise "ur" and "K". I'm not used to pursuing men but I'm used to men pursuing me.  I won't look for guys at a bar because, honestly, guys who let women pick them up at the bar are after only one thing.  I'm horrible at flirting but I love to flirt.

   I have a feeling I'll never date, fall in love, or get married again, and I'm starting to come to terms with that.  I'd rather set my standards high and not know what I'm missing than set them low and be disappointed later.

Facebook Rummage Sale Pages

   A few months ago, my mother says to me "Sis, you have to check out this piece of glass I found on a Facebook rummage sale page".  My reply was "What are you talking about?"  She then proceeded to explain.  Facebook rummage sale pages are like a page for a band, group, etc.  One peruses these pages instead of physically travelling to rummage sales to buy junk.
   Here's how it works:

• Sellers post photos of what they're trying to get rid of.  I've seen collectible glassware, playpens, hot tubs, and previously worn bras on these pages.  People also post items they would like to purchase or items they want given to them, such as baby wipes and diapers.  I'll get to that later.
• If you like an item, you comment on the photo.  The first person stating they want the item has dibs, then other people "get in line" in case the first person doesn't pick it up or if they change their mind.
• Pick up/delivery is arranged.  Most people meet in a public place, such as a store parking lot, baseball diamond, etc.
• Once the item has been sold, the seller then removes the photo from the rummage sale page and life goes on.

I've purchased and sold quite a few items using these pages I've never had a problem when it comes to people meeting me, payment, etc.  This system works great...most of the time. These pages have people who call themselves "Admin", and they're basically referees when font fights break out or when people don't meet to pick up an item.  I'm a member of quite a few of these pages, and I've seen people fight over the dumbest things.  I guess one person's trash really is another person's treasure.
   Here are a few of my problems with the Facebook rummage sale pages: 

• I recently posted my old cell phone on one of these pages.  I gave a thoroughly detailed description which included the model of phone, technical specs, and service provider information.  I stated I didn't know if the phone could be used with a different service provider or with a pre-pay plan.  I gave the price I wanted to get out of the phone and I also stated no trades would be accepted.  Within a few minutes of posting, I got the following questions:  "Can I use this with Verizon?", "Can I use this as a pre-paid phone?", and "I'll trade you my phone for yours".  Jeezus, people, read the fricking description!  The lady who repeatedly offered me $20 for my smartphone in excellent condition was told off via private message.
• One person kept commenting "I wish I had the money to buy this".  I wish you had the money, too.  Until you do, please stop commenting because my phone is blowing up with messages the way it is.  I politely told this person to stop commenting on my photos of items for sale if she wasn't interested in purchasing anything.  She didn't stop commenting, so I blocked her.
• One young girl posted she was out of money and needed baby wipes, diapers, and formula for her baby.  This one pissed me off, because she was obviously on a computer or cell phone.  She had enough money to pay for Internet and cell phone service but she didn't have enough money to buy necessities for her baby?!  I was even more amazed at the number of people who took these items to this woman's mobile home.  I understand we all fall on hard times, but this is re-damn-diculous.
• Some of these people buying and selling items post their home address and phone number where everyone can see it.  This is stupid for obvious reasons, especially when one says "Come get this item now before my husband gets home" then proceeds to give her address and phone number.  The same goes for meeting people in a not so public place.  Last weekend I sold an item and met a lady in a park at the intersection of two busy highways.  It's kind of out in the country, so I took my son with me so I wouldn't be alone.  She turned out to be a very nice person, and I had to buy Kiddo lunch at Burger King for going with me, but the peace of mind was worth it.
• Please don't get me started on the grammar some of these people use.  There have been times when I've asked "What do you mean?" because I couldn't decipher a comment.  I know not everyone is intelligent, but "Is this tooken?" totally rubbed me the wrong way.

  Bottom line?  Think of it as a member's only Craig's List.  This is a great way to buy and sell items if you can deal with low-ball offers, people who don't show up when they say they will, and font fights over the authenticity of a Coach bag.

A Little Over 4 Months Later I've been busy.  Sue me.  Anyway...My divorce was final July 8th, and a lot happened between that day and my last blog post.  For me, blogging is therapeutic.  Bug out now if you don't like it.My now ex-husband and I signed divorce papers on May 4th, and that's the last time I've seen him or heard his voice.  My son and I moved out of his house on April 27th.  My ex said we could live there until the divorce was final, but there's no way I would've made it that long.  I was laid off from my job on April 28th due to lack of work and my "current emotional state", as the HR lady put it.  Ryan and I exchanged many emails and texts during that time period - some nice, some awful.A couple of weeks after we moved out, I ran into a high school friend, who is a former co-worker and currently works with my ex-husband.  He told me many horrible things about the man I married.  I don't know how much of the stuff he told me is true, but it's sickening to think I was married to Ryan for as long as I was if these things really happened.  On top of that, the jerk stole the licence plate off my car!Bottom line is, I'm happy now.  Lonely, but happy.  Trey and I are living with my parents so I can save some money.  They bicker from time to time and play the TV WAY too loud, but things are good overall.  I'm so blessed to have them in my life, and I'm grateful they let us come back.Trey has adjusted to his new (old) school very well.  A few kids remembered him from the last time he went to school here, and welcomed him back.  People say kids are resilient, and they're right.  Trey has been my rock through all of this.  He hugged me and held my hand through panic attacks those first few days, and made me laugh & smile with his wicked sense of humor.  I, in turn, became stronger during those rare moments when Trey broke down.  When he was little I told him "You and I are like glue...we stick together", and that's true to this very day.  He never once blamed me for the divorce even though my ex told him it was all my fault.As for me, well...I've come a long way.  I now know I'm pretty, smart, and funny.  My ex never told me any of these things, but other men have recently.  I don't think they're lying to me.  One of the first things I did when I moved out of my ex's house was cut and lighten my hair.  He always wanted my hair to be long and dark.  Personally, I think I'm more me when I'm blonde.  I quit my job a couple of months ago and went to a job that pays more.  Not much more, but it's still more.  I'm doing physical work again, and I've slimmed down a little.  I feel better about myself and it shows.  I haven't had an ear infection since I moved out, and that's probably due to the fact my dad discovered black mold in my ex's house.  That stuff's nasty and can do a lot of harm.  I haven't had a "freak out fit of rage" since living at Mom & Dad's, either.  I went to the doctor and got some health problems taken care of.  My ex wouldn't let me go to the doctor unless I was in extreme pain. 

I'm not afraid of being in a relationship or even getting married again.  I would love that opportunity, but I'm going to be a lot more cautious.  I know more warning signs and red flags now, and I won't be afraid to bail out if I think I need to.  I don't think my expectations are too low, but I do think they're too high for the kind of men I usually seem to attract.  All I require are love, affection, and the occasional compliment.  Gifts for no reason are nice, but not necessary.  I'm a simple and practical kind of girl, but I'm a hopeless romantic as well.  I would love to be in a relationship where I'm swept off my feet but I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon.                          

How Do I Live?

So, after a few months of him texting a woman he works with and me accusing him of having an affair, it came to a head on (Not) Good Friday when my husband told me he is filing for divorce.  Words really can't describe the emotions I have right now, barely two days later.  I'm hurt, scared, worried, stressed.  I feel unwanted, unneeded, unattractive.  I feel like a failure to my son, my family, my self.

I know I wasn't a very good wife.  I was paranoid and afraid most of the time, but I loved him with every ounce of my being.  I didn't always show it, but I did.

He made my heart race every time he kissed me.  He rubbed my feet.  He treated my son like Trey was his own.  He dropped kisses on top of my head, which made me feel safe and loved.  He worked long hours to make sure my child and I had everything we needed and often bought us gifts for no reason.

You ask what he did wrong?  He was emotionally detached.  He didn't like most of my friends.  He lied about wanting to have a child with me.  He texted a woman he worked with who he claimed was "just a friend", but never talked about her.  I didn't know she existed until I scrolled through the contacts in his phone looking for a mutual friend's number I had forgotten. He texted her...a lot.  More than he ever texted me, and I was his wife.  He and I worked different shifts, and he and his work friend had overlapping shifts.  I reentered the work force after almost two years, just so we would have some extra money and plan our delayed honeymoon.  He started working 7 days a week even though it wasn't required because he said we needed the money. With the exception of three quick pecks on the lips, he didn't kiss me.  He rarely hugged me.  He worked the night shift and I work the day shift, so sex was unheard of.  Even on the weekends I was home and the kiddo was gone, Ryan didn't express the desire to touch me.

So how do I live?  My world has been torn apart on a weekend I thought would help bring us closer together.  My son is distraught over the fact he has to change schools at the end of this school year, leaving his friends behind.  I'm distraught over the fact I'm 35 years old, soon to be a single mom, and moving in with my parents...again.  Trey and I probably won't have insurance from the time the divorce is final until November, when my employer has open enrollment.  I can't afford an attorney for the divorce (which Ryan is filing for sometime this week), and I'm dumber than hell when it comes to legal speak.  Trey and I have to live in Ryan's house for another 6 weeks, which is when Trey is done with school for the year.

How do I live?  The only way I can right now, which is one day at a time.  I have family and friends who are very supportive, but they can't comfort me the way I want to be comforted right now.  They can't hug and kiss the nightmares away, or lay in bed with me and plan our future.  I haven't been happy for a while, but I didn't think it would come to this.  I'm an emotional and physical wreck now that it has.

Oh No, He Didn't!

   The following conversation took place at approximately 4:30 a.m. on Friday, February 11, 2011.


Me:  So, honey...what are you going to buy for me for Valentine's Day?


Hubby:  Uh...I don't know.


Me:  I was just wondering.  I don't want you to feel obligated or anything like that.


Hubby:  Oh, I don't feel obligated.


What...the ...hell?!?


   I don't expect a gift, but I know he hasn't thought about buying me anything.  That pisses me off.  I bought him a gift.  Hopefully, it won't be like the XM Satellite Radio I bought for him for Christmas.  It's on a dresser in our bedroom, still in the box.  Ungrateful much, dear husband?
   I've been sick (again!) for the last couple of days, and didn't feel like going to Muncie for dinner tonight.  Hubby went and got Papa Murphy's pizza, which I like.  While eating, I asked him if we were going out for dinner Monday night.  He looked me in the eye and said "Nope.  This is Valentine's Day dinner".  Again, I say "what the hell?!?"
   Let me go on the record as saying I'm not much of a girly-girl.  I prefer jeans and t-shirts, love football and racing, and I hate romantic comedies.  However, I'm a hopeless romantic.  I want that all-encompassing kind of love you read about in books or see in movies.  An "I don't want to live without you" kind of love.  I want my husband to hold my hand when we're out in public and occasionally tell me I look nice.  I don't get that.  I once asked my husband "Would you ever be happy if I wasn't here?".  His response:  "I would only be content at first, but I'm sure I would be happy again eventually".  Wow.  Just...wow.
   Peter Cetera said it best when he sang "Everybody needs a little time away (I heard her say) from each other.  Even lovers need a holiday far away from each other".  Earlier this evening, I talked with my husband about taking a vacation this summer...BY MYSELF.  I think he agrees with those lyrics, because he has no problem with it.  He even told me he would help me finance my trip.  Where to go, where to go?  I'm thinking of going to a far away and magical place where the stars shine day and night.

The Big Deal About My Birthday

   This is my favorite time of year.  Football returns, the impending holiday season, Halloween, apple cider and kettle corn, all of the festivals going on, and...my birthday.  Yes, I still get excited for my birthday.
   When I was a child, I really didn't have birthday parties where I invited my friends.  I didn't have many friends back then.  Partially because I was serious and studious, and partially because I didn't fit in with children my own age.  I was around adults more, and I preferred them over my peers.  Adults weren't obnoxious and didn't fight over Barbies, swings, or the cute boy in the other classroom.  My Grandma Street baked me an angel food cake every year for my birthday, because that was my favorite.  One year she baked me a cheesecake because I asked her too.  One of the fondest memories I have of my childhood is watching Grandma get my cake out of the oven.  She baked it in an old cake pan that was probably from the 1960's, and she would set the hole in the middle of the cake pan on an old glass Sprite bottle.  I can still smell that cake if I close my eyes and concentrate.
   As I got into high school and gained more friends (and a boyfriend or two), my birthdays got better and better.  There was usually a marching band* competition on or near my birthday, so my band mates would sing "Happy Birthday" to me, buy my lunch or dinner, give me a card, etc.  My boyfriend would take me out for dinner and a movie and give me gifts.
   My kiddo was born a little over a month after my 22nd birthday, and I told everyone who would listen that I got a belated birthday gift that year.  This is where I'm going to get sappy and harsh.  If it wasn't for my kiddo, I might not have lived to have any more birthdays.  I was a "party animal" personified.  I drank a lot.  I smoked pot and occasionally dropped acid.  I didn't have a serious boyfriend for over 3 years, but I had quite a few friends with benefits.  I distanced myself from my family, who had no clue I was doing all of that stuff.  Of course, all of that stopped when I found out I was pregnant...which was 4 months after my 21st birthday.  Do I regret having a child when I was that young, and do I regret not being married when he was born?  NEVER!  I honestly believed my kiddo saved my life.  I was on a short and dark road to a horrible future, and he was the first street light on my path.
   That's why my birthday is a big deal to me.  I celebrate every one like it's going to be my last, because it just might be that.  This year, my husband and kiddo are taking me to my favorite restaurant for dinner, then I'm going out with friends.  That's the day before my birthday, but that's beside the point.  I usually celebrate my birthday for an entire week prior to the actual day.  On my actual birthday this year, my friends and I are going to eat Mexican food and drink margaritas, then we're going to a Boyz II Men concert.  Yes, you read that right.  We're going to relive high school for a few hours.  After the concert we're going to see a few of our mutual friends play in their respective bands.  Sunday, I'm going to visit my parents**, brother & hopefully soon-to-be sister in law, and a few other friends where they go camping.  I'm thinking about buying a camper there, so I can see my family a little more often that I already do.
   To quote Jimmy Buffett, "I'm growing older but not up.  My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck.  Let the winds of change blow over my head.  I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead".  That's how I feel about aging, and I love it.

* Yes, I was in marching band.  I played the flute and piccolo.  No, I don't have any "This one time at band camp..." stories.  I was a good girl back then.
** If I don't see my parents on my birthday, I call them and tell them thanks for putting up with me for all of these years.

Hopeless, Incurable Romantic

 I am one.  I love when a man opens a door for me, pulls my chair out, puts his hand on the small of my back to guide me through a door, etc.  I'm obsessed with the idea of a piano in a candlelit room, and a man playing and singing the song "Hallelujah" for me.  Preferably the Jeff Buckley or Rufus Wainwright version.  I'm totally jealous of some fictional characters and their romantic relationships, because my relationship with my husband is totally lacking in the romance department.
   I don't ask for much in life.  I don't ask for diamonds or expensive clothing.  My husband and I have been married for almost two years and we have yet to go on a vacation.  All I ask is to be shown that I'm appreciated, wanted, and loved.  Yes, I've told my husband this...and it started a fight.  I appreciate the fact that my husband didn't push me to get a job when I wasn't ready to go back to work.  I show my husband every single day that I want him, even if it's only with a kiss on the top of the head or a butt smack as he walks by.  I tell him I love him more times a day than is probably healthy.  Do I get the same in return?  Not really.  He might give me three quick pecks on my lips, which means "I love you".  He tells me he loves me multiple times a day.  Do I think he wants me physically?  Not lately, and I have no reason why.  I know I've put on a few (15) pounds, but my husband was always telling me I needed to gain a few pounds anyway.
   I'm an insecure person.  Always have been, and probably always will be.  I need positive reinforcement in relationships, and I'm not getting it.  I'm not high maintenance by any means, but I like being spoiled and cherished once in a while.  I like being told I look nice.  I want to be swept off my feet and whisked away to a place that isn't part of my normal routine.  A weekend trip for just the two of us would be nice.  Then again, a solo vacation would be great, too.
   My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years, and I think I'm experiencing relationship burnout.  I'm tired of the same old things.  I want more.  A couple of my very attractive and very single guy friends have invited me to visit them or take a trip with them.  I would be lying if I said there was no temptation.  If I were in a happier situation the temptation wouldn't be as strong, but it would still be there.  Guys, where the Hell were you BEFORE I got married?!?  I'm starting to wonder if I'm one of these women who can't be happy no matter what situation they're in.  When I got married, I thought my husband would be the guy who brought home flowers for no reason.  The guy who told me everything I ever wanted to hear.  The guy who put me on a pedestal.  Well, he isn't...and I don't like it one bit.
   I know every couple goes through rough patches, but we go through smooth patches.  I'm neurotic and needy, he's a man of few words and emotionally frigid.  Before we got married, we discussed having kids.  We talked about names we liked and hated, and he told me where he would want to put a baby bed.  Now he's totally against having a child, and it breaks my heart.  I've always wanted to have at least one more.  Had I known the truth about how my husband really felt, it would have possibly been a deal breaker.
   Do I love my husband?  Yes, I do.  Very much.  Am I in love with my husband?  Six months ago, the answer would have been a resounding "YES!".  Today, the answer is "Eh".  Sad, right?  Am I going to file for divorce?  Not right now.  I've invested too much to give up so easily.  And it's got to get better, because it can't get much worse.